Why I Fail
It occurred to me last night after a very grim and to the point diagnosis from my favorite M.D. that somewhere along the line in the last few months I have failed at being the Charles I am used to being. Where did it go wrong? Can this be possible? I have asked myself this question over and over again in the last 24hrs. hmmm…well lets see if together we can unravel the mystery of my grim situation…
Let us begin a year ago: I was but a young boy, naive and full of promises…a constant smile brought on by innocence!
I made the decision to race in my first Ironman distance event, but that wasn’t enough for me…I needed to also try and get a qualifying spot for the Kona Worlds. You know…first time Ironman wasn’t enough of a challenge and all that…
So you’ve just finished the hardest year of your life: a new business, a new partner, a new daughter, a race across the Sahara…what do you do? Me? I take on more and more and pile it sky high! This is what I do and how I perform. However for the first time in my life, confidence has been shaken and cracks in the old armor are starting to show.
Did I take on too much?? what if I don’t live up to the expectations of my clients? my friends? my wife? my family? what if I don’t perform the way I want to? what if my own expectations are not met? what if I fail?
But ( oh you knew there would be a but…) what if this all part of the performance process? what if doubt and fear of failure where all part of the training we do? I mean we train our bodies non stop…what about our minds and spirit? When is the last time you took 10 minutes to ask yourself why you do what you do? When’s the last time your spirit was as strong as your cycling/running/swimming legs?
Why are you out in the wind and the rain on your bike for 4 hours? Why are you in a cold lake with a rubber suit on 2 times a week swimming long distances? Why are you on the trails running every Tuesday night going uphill non stop?
As I look forward to my first Ironman Race I think of all the physical training I have put in…the hours and the toll on my body has endured and I think about my mental fortitude. It also needs attention and training. And here in this blog is where I begin.
I am Charles: S3 is my business. No matter what happens I will make my clients proud. My friends don’t care about my performance…they care about me. My racing and performance does not define me. Jenny will be behind me ( literally since I will blow her out of the water, the bike and the run!!) no matter what the outcome of my race is. I know my family will support and love me. Race day performance is all relative…if I put in my best effort, that’s all I can ask for. My expectations are my own if I don’t meet them, I will readjust, try again and try until I do. Someone once told me: don’t forget: it’s 90 percent mental and 10 percent mental.
Having had an amazing life, a great supportive family, amazing clients, a super partner in business, a wife I would do anything for and a daughter who brings pride and joy every single day. Can I really fail?
what about you? Can you really fail? I didn’t think so.
see you out there!